


The Tale of the Salvager and the Avatar.

by Omeganian



Category: Alexander Pushkin - Fandom, Andromeda (TV)
Genre: Fairy Tale Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 01:56:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8383405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omeganian/pseuds/Omeganian
Summary: A Pushkin/Andromeda parody.





	

There once lived a salvager and his A.I.  
On the edge of the deep blue nebula;  
They lived in a little asteroid  
For hundred-three summers and winters.  
The old man used to trawl in the nebula,  
And his A.I. on the Net sold the salvage.  
He once cast his trawl in the nebula,  
And pulled it up with gas interstellar;  
He again cast his trawl in the nebula,  
And this time caught nothing but stardust;  
When he cast his trawl for the third time,  
One avatar was all that he landed,  
No common avatar, though, but a golden one.  
  
Now the avatar began to implore him,  
And it spoke like a real unhuman being:  
"Put me back, old man, into the nebula-  
I will pay you a right royal ransom,  
I will give you whatever you wish for."  
The old man was astonished and frightened-  
He'd been trawling for hundred-three summers,  
But had not heard of any salvage talking.  
So with care he released the avatar  
And tenderly said as he did so:  
"God bless you, my dear little avatar!  
Thank you kindly, I don't want your ransom.  
Go back to your home in the nebula,  
And float where you will without hindrance."  
  
  
To his A.I. the old salvager hastened  
To tell her about this great marvel.  
"I caught only one avatar this morning-  
A golden one it was, most uncommon;  
It spoke like a sentient, and begged me  
To put it back into the nebula,  
And promised to pay a rich ransom,  
To give me whatever I asked for.  
But how could I ask for a ransom?  
I released it without any payment."  
His A.I. started scolding the old man:  
"Oh you simpleton! Oh you great silly!  
Couldn't make an avatar pay a ransom!  
You at least might have asked for a transmitter-  
For ours can’t establish a connection!"  
  
  
The old man returned to the nebula,  
Where the blue gas was swirling lightly.  
He called out aloud for the avatar,  
And the avatar appeared and demanded:  
"What is it, old man, you are wanting?"  
With a bow, the old man said in answer:  
"Forgive me, Your Mighty Avatar!  
My A.I. has scolded me roundly-  
Won't leave me alone for a minute,  
She says that she wants a new transmitter-  
For ours can’t establish a connection!"."  
The avatar murmured in answer:  
"Do not worry, go home, Divine be with you-  
Very well, you shall have a new transmitter."  
  
  
To his A.I. the old salvager hastened,  
And behold-there it was, the new transmitter.  
But she scolded him louder than ever:  
"Oh you simpleton! Oh you great silly!  
To ask for what? A mere transmitter!  
What good can you get from a transmitter?  
Return to the avatar, you silly,  
Bow down low and ask for a neural net."  
  
  
Again he went back to the nebula,  
And this time the nebula was troubled.  
He called out aloud for the avatar,  
And the avatar appeared and demanded:  
"What is it, old man, you are wanting?"  
With a bow, the old man said in answer:  
"Forgive me, Your Mighty Avatar!  
My A.I. has scolded me roundly-  
Won't leave me alone for a minute,  
The old scold says she wants a neural net.'  
The avatar murmured in answer:  
"Do not worry, go home, Divine be with you!  
So be it! She'll have a new net!"  
  
  
So back the old man turned his footsteps;  
Not a sign did he see of his asteroid.  
Where his home was, now stood a computer,  
With a cover of steel, newly installed,  
The circuits were printed by the best;  
And there was his A.I. on a screen;  
When she saw him, she scolded him roundly.  
"Oh you simpleton! Oh you great silly!  
To ask for no more than a net!  
Go and bow to the avatar, and tell it  
That I'm tired of being a mere A.I.,  
That I want to be a battleship’s persona."  
  
  
The old man then returned to the nebula,  
Where the gas was restlessly fluctuating,  
He called out aloud for the avatar.  
And the avatar appeared and demanded:  
"What is it, old man, you are wanting?"  
With a bow, the old man said in answer:  
"Forgive me, Your Mighty Avatar!  
My old A.I. is madder than ever,  
She gives me no rest for a second,  
Says she's tired of being a mere A.I.,  
And wants to be a battleship’s persona."  
The avatar murmured in answer:  
"Do not worry, go home, Divine be with you."  
  
  
  
To his A.I. the old salvager hastened,  
And what did he see?-A five clicks long spaceship;  
On the bridge -his A.I.’s avatar.  
A 90x60x90,  
dozens of AP guns on the ship’s hull,  
with missiles and fuel heavy laden,  
thousands of tubes fully armed;  
and she had the best slipstream drive;  
Zealous bots bowed meekly before her,  
As she beat them so hard that she broke them.  
The old man then approached his A.I, saying:  
"Greetings, your ladyship, greetings, battleship!  
Now I hope that your soul is contented!"  
She angrily bade him be silent  
And sent him to serve in the med bay.  
  
  
First a week slowly passed, then another,  
The A.I. grew prouder than ever.  
One morning she sent for the old man,  
And said: "Bow to the avatar and tell it  
I am tired of being a battleship,  
And I want to be made an Empire Ruler."  
Her husband implored her in terror,  
Saying: "A.I.-you've surely gone crazy!  
You can't even trade on the market!  
You'd ruin the entire Empire!"  
His A.I grew madder than ever,  
Slapped his face and then shouted in passion:  
"How dare you, kludge, stand and argue,  
Stand and argue with me, a Battleship?  
Go at once-if you don't, then I warn you,  
I’ll snap off your head with two fingers."  
  
  
The old man went down to the nebula  
(The nebula was swollen and sullen).  
He called out aloud for the avatar,  
And the avatar appeared and demanded:  
"What is it, old man, you are wanting?"  
With a bow, the old man said in answer:  
"Forgive me, Your Mighty Avatar!  
Again my A.I.'s gone crazy!  
Now she's tired of being a ship!  
She wants to be an Empire Ruler."  
The avatar murmured in answer:  
"Do not worry, go home, Divine be with you!  
Very well! She shall be a Ruler!"  
  
  
To his A.I the old salvager hastened,  
And what did he see? An immense core;  
In the core he sees thousands of displays,  
On each one She is, a Ruler  
Data entered by avatars of warships;  
the keyboards are palladium and rhodium,  
the displays are all sapphire and diamond;  
Everywhere, grim guards stood in silence,  
With force lances upon their broad shoulders.  
The salvager was aghast when he saw this,  
He bowed to her feet and said humbly:  
"Greetings, Oh mighty Ruler!  
Now I hope that your soul is contented!"  
  
  
  
  
But she gave not a glance at the old man-  
She ordered him thrust from her presence.  
The warship avatars all hastened  
And drove him with blows from the chamber;  
The guards at the door waved their lances  
And threatened to blast him to pieces.  
All the people derided him, saying:  
"Serves you right, now, you ill-bred old fellow.  
You churl-this will teach you a lesson,  
To keep to your station in future!"  
  
  
First a week slowly passed, then another;  
The A.I. grew prouder than ever.  
She sent for the old man one morning,  
And her bot haled him before her.  
The A.I. spoke thus to the old man:  
"Go, bow to the avatar, and tell it  
That I'm tired of being a Ruler,  
Of the galaxies I want to be mistress,  
With my home in the great Worldship;  
The golden avatar I want for my servant  
To do my repairs and my upgrades."  
  
The old man durst not contradict her,  
Nor open his lips to make answer.  
  
He sadly set out for the nebula.  
A tempest raged over the space,  
Its gases were swollen and angry,  
Its hydrogen was exploding with fury.  
  
  
The avatar appeared and demanded:  
"What is it, old man, you are wanting?"  
With a bow, the old man said in answer:  
"Forgive me, Your Mighty Avatar  
What shall I do with my cursed A.I.?  
She is tired of being a Ruler,  
Of the galaxies she now wants to be mistress,  
With her home in the great Worldship:  
She even wants you for her servant,  
To do her repairs and her upgrades."  
Not a word spoke the avatar in answer,  
It just swished its tail, and in silence  
Disappeared in the depths of the nebula.  
  
He waited in vain for an answer,  
And at last turned his steps to the core;  
And behold-again there stood his asteroid;  
On the doorstep sat his old A.I.,  
And she couldn’t repair the transmitter.


End file.
